what am I going to do with my life ?

when I'm about to enter my second year at college, thing that cross my mind is that what am I going to do after all of these done. done with all exam, gpa, all of academic learning stuff. am I going to continue study to get higher degree or what. the easiest thing is that if I am going to continue my study, get higher degree, then become a lecturer. it doesnt seem bad, but actually, I think there is also another process that I have to face. earn money for leaving, work! when I am getting older and closer to that stage seems it really hard. profit gain, loss. it never getting easy as what I thought when I am so much younger than this. 

if I take a look what going on in my life, I am sure that all on track. good college result, nor in rich or poor family. I know it would never last forever. at some stage, I have to struggle, feel pain, and loss by myself. look at me now, all  depend on my parent. I even don't know what happen to my life as long as I am happy. such a huge ignorant that hardly now come up to surface, and now I am scared. 

I always thinking that everything would turn out fine, and I let the destiny that shows itself not me that brought it up to existence. truth, that I end up doing nothing to raise, seek, or find what I looking for. It was there in my mind, but only for the moment, and it vanish by the destiny appear or parent tell me what to do. yes, I do have a choices, but do I have courage. I think it is not even bigger then my dreams. what people might think, what pleases my parent, what pleases my family always bugging in my head, and I just let what they think should happen, happen. as simple as that. as long as I live and grown up, the huge thing that I decided my self was coloring my hairs. it just stupid. I think, here right in this society we are all planned to be like this accepted destiny that created by the people. even the individual freedom is exist, but the individual itself that create a boundaries to not step into that kind of freedom. 

this is where I am, so what I supposed to do in life is close my eyes and let it happen. perhaps learn more to know deeply what exactly what I want and turn out to make me happy for the entire life. I think, this is a life learning process. lesson learned from the past mistakes or digging what inside yourself. It's only the matter of time. what else I can say?

your world

o.. dear
your time has come, and you should not be afraid
o.. dear
your time to speak, and let the world listen
o.. dear
you wasting so much time wondering, but you wondering in silent
o.. dear
you're nothing but a bird in cage, you may have wings but it brings you nowhere.

you still here, encircled by your own fantasy. 

demand and responsibility

we're not take thing for granted or for free. there's always mutual exchanged. 

you get something, you should give another thing. i think this principle is apply in all aspect of human life. 

even in human and god relation, you pray then you'll have place in heaven, you do good deeds then you get another ticket to heaven, perhaps.

since we're born the responsibility of being human also arise. being a good person. 

actually, what i see. human tendency demand rights rather than fulfilling responsibility. it's easy right, to demand. but hard to do your work. i do feel so. 

now, i think demand should balance with fulfillment of obligation. in this sense, if i want more, i have to work harder. i should consider my capacity also. how to balance all of these things. the only answer for now is patient and work harder no matter what the result.

good luck for final test this semester  and happy new year. 

what the hell 'eichinodaisy' ?

why i named this blog eichoinodaisy ?

it's actually from different abbreviation  '' e-ichi-no-daisy ''

''e'' means eci which is my nickname

''ichi'' is japanese for one , one is mean number one which is good

''no'' means those above are not my legal name

''daisy'' is my actual name 

if those combine together, i'm not sure it would be a proper sentence or even meaning. but i think '' eichinodaisy'' quite sound japanese. whatever . screw the meaning, screw the sentence. i like that word. 

it is not you, it's destiny

There's always 2 possibilities, good luck or bad luck in life . I classified myself is the lucky one. I'm not that diligent, I'm not that religious, I'm not that smart. but I think life is being nice to me. thanks for that life!

being lucky is not that mean I get everything what I want, but being lucky is I got sort of like direction of life, that lead to good things. 

when I get back to the memories of my childhood, I remember how I was having a good times even my mom didn't buy me an expensive barbie or playstation or when me and my family were sleep in free second hand bed, or when my father were ride an old motorcycle to pick me up. I think, I'm lucky enough, that life teach me how to grateful for what I have. and I don't sorry for that, because the most important thing I have a wonderful life with a warm family. 

even I feel lucky enough doesn't mean disappointment never happen. I'm kindda have a confident problem because sometime I feel not good enough, but as time goes by, and I'm growing older, I could control that. but actually what make me feel good bout my self is that, when I fail in something , life transfer me to another direction and it fits me. that's how life happen. we don't know what would be good for ourselves. it's destiny who knows. 

When I was about to enter collage, I'm not that diligent. study hard to go to state's university, I prefer something easy, so I was not take the test to enter national university its something called 'SNMPTN' . I only took several test for private university and apply for university in malaysia, I was accepted. but, several days later my mom found an advertisment about one of  state's national university offer an international program in law studies. I never imagine in my life before I would studying law, but now I really grateful studying law there , which lead to a great experience. Now, I'm in debating club, experiences in competitions. now, I able to speak in front of people which before I was not even able to give speech more than 3 minutes .

also now, I'm in maritime arbitration moot court team that would compete in brisbane next year. somehow, someway, its always better and better. now, it's time to work hard, and do my best. 

between feminist and conservative

if I have to choose between being feminist that believe in the idea of gender equality or being conservative that stick with the idea of  men is more stronger than women. I dont know how to choose.  probably  women and men basicly different in the appearance ( I dont have to describe it right?) how we should force them to be equal in any circumstances. man cannot feel the pain of giving birth. some job, perhaps women can, men can't or the other way. I cant mention all of them but, it's there.

Society stigma that implement in the exercise of culture or even religion sometimes over ruled the role of women and men. how men supposed to do, how women supposed to do. I dont know why they make limitation or separation, probably to avoid such a thing like men acted like women  or sexual disorientation. sometimes is good, how it could avoid number of homosexual, then girls doesnt have to worried about their partner having affair with another man, which is not cool.

this world getting scary, crazy. everyone has crossed the line. the bounder is blur. rationality too. ah I dont know, stayin in conservative also sucks, women stay at home, cook, please her family, or whatever. but , perhaps that's better than acceptance to new paradigm of world.

Sweet escape

pernah merasakan ingin lari dari suatu hal. ya, pasti pernah. cape juga rasanya langsung menyelesaikan dan memaafkan atau meminta maaf saat itu juga. emang sih lebih cepat lebih baik, tapi apakah yang cepat itu tulus. that's exactly what happen to me, I try to let a problem become no problem, although it was not. It was really sucks. kayak menanam sampah, yang semakin hari semakin banyak dan makin busuk. ya, It was me.

what happened is that me was freakin out  like a  nuts. It happened. a lot. ya, mungkin ini dikarenakan aku juga orang yang sedikit aneh dalam ekspres perasaan, jadinya , marah-marah, ngamuk ga jelas. melarikan diri dari masalah. hah.

melarikan diri ga masalah. asalkan ada tenggang waktunya. kita ga bisa larut dalam ideas didalam otak yang ga mau masalah padahal punya possibility jadi masalah yang lebih besar lagi.
the only way yang bisa membantu menenangkan diri emang cuma kopi. It like taste your own problem, bitter. tetapi melegakan. Im glad , setiap tegukannya menghasilkan ketegaran dan kenyamanan. melegakan. coffee is heaven!